i could...

"... have shown you the world."

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Well, it's certainly been a while since I posted anything. I actually wrote one post explaining the story, part of its inspiration, and revealing a little more about my recent life, but I guess I shouldn't say so much about myself. I'm still not quite used to the idea of opening up, though I must say that I have tried. Unpleasant results, to say the least.

I should actually explain my intentions behind the story, or at the minimum, explain why it is the way it is.

First up: the... the spacings and indentations. Honestly, there's only so much you can do with damn Blogger. I hate working with it, and I hate editing HTML. I tried for hours on end to get it right, and all I got was that crap. I have to live with... wait, no, you have to live with it. I have it right here on paper, all shiny and nice and perfect in its manifestation. I wanted the song (more on it later) to contrast with the things each person said, yet I had to make it clear that it was a song playing in the background. Therefore, the spacings and indentations.

Second: instead of following my usual style of writing - apparently my writing style is so distinctive that it's unmistakable - I thought that I would tell a story entirely through speech; sometimes my stories have no dialogue anyway. A dialogue is a story, isn't it? It's just that such a story is so rooted in context that it's rarely attempted. There's a lot the reader has to infer from the dialogue, and it's rather complex to establish a character's background and depth from dialogue. But I tried it anyway. Besides, everything seems to be done through online chat: getting to know new people, getting to know your friends better; falling in and out of love and friendships; arguing, making up; catching up, losing touch; getting work done, procrastinating... the list goes on.

Third: the first section. I wanted this part to contrast with the dialogue, and to emphasize on the solitude of each of us before we double click (click click) on someone's name in our contact list, thereby eliminating the solitude. I also wanted the sentences to resonate, and not just be read, and hence the click and staccato and everything else. These meaningless sounds also served as a nice opposition to the actual lyrics in the body of the story.

Fourth: the song. It's a song by David Gates and Bread, called "Aubrey". As always, kudos to the related people (please don't sue me). I admit that I had the song on repeat as I wrote it (I was talking to a close friend [you know who you are] about something heavy then), and it sorta echoed in me. I thought it drew an accurate picture of said friend's situation, together with my own feelings cum thoughts at that point in time. Now that I think it through a little more, the song really does provide an appropriate bed for the dialogue to rest on, while adding some depth to the character/reader. It's a little awkward-sounding, I know, but it is what it is, I suppose. Haha. (My favorite line? "And Aubrey was her name.")

Fifth: some lingering questions. Who's who (since most of my stories are based on/concerning real people/events that have happened to me/other people I know)? Well, I've learnt the hard way that talking about other people or myself always ends up bad. Guess I'll just leave this one open. Indefinitely.

That's it for the story. It's just a creative whim that I decided to satisfy right there and then.

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The first bit? It's really the first line in my brand-spanking-new story that I'm still writing. I've been doing nothing but writing scene after scene, with no in-betweens or ending. Worst of all, I don't have an introduction. I've written about six different ones, but they all seemed to lack a certain something. I'm inclined to think that it's authenticity. But that line - the one right at the beginning of this post - hit me earlier this evening. I thought, and still think, that it's abso-fucking-lutely perfect as the lead-in to a nice little introduction to the story and its protagonist(s).

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To Siew Ling:

Words don't do justice to our relationship, but I'll try anyway. You know me, I've not been one to give up just because it was hard to pass, much less succeed.

You've shown yourself to be patient, witty (and wildly so), eloquent, forthright, reliable, trustworthy, and an avid reader and watcher of good movies. Much more than that, you've shown me a helping hand, a listening ear, a kind smile, the possible directions with a finger; but most of all, you've shown me forgiveness and grace (things that I've desired but not seen in people these days - much more can be said about you). It's a pity that I am unable to remain here to find out more about you, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give up or stop trying to do so.

Why?

You're worth it: the effort of making sure everything gets squeezed into each SMS, the late nights, the quick and hushed chats on MSN as you sneak a few words while working.

So here's your belated birthday wishes, and I wish for you to be happy and safe - as I did, am and will.

To another 18 years.

Love,

Nigel

P.S. I hope you don't mind your birthday present. It's nothing of any commercial value, and only made up of things that are of any value to me. It'll be nothing even remotely comparable to the ones you have/will receive(d). Nonetheless, I hope you'll like it.