what you miss
What do you miss? Not in the "Oh I didn't see it that way" sort of thing, but something that you crave, pine, desire - something you once had but yearn for now. Hanging out at a cool café with your closest friend, aimless window shopping, lounging on the porch (mint julep in hand) with a good novel... anything.
What do you miss?
Right now, I miss two things: one being physical intimacy - nothing with sexual overtones, but I'm not ruling out sexual undertones - the other being knowing that someone appreciates (I'm inclined to say 'loving', but I don't even know what 'love' is, so you'll just have to deal with the synonym) me for who I am.
I can't definitively pronounce sex to be overrated, but I do think that physical intimacy is severely mischaracterized, perpetually bastardized and often misappreciated. Yes, misappreciated. There's almost nothing like sitting next to a good friend (or your significant other) and feeling her/his hand on/under/next to yours, the almost electrical feel of fingertips brushing your skin, of the weight of someone's head on your shoulder (I've never really been able to rest my head on anyone's shoulders, but have had quite a few heads on my shoulders)... I'm leery to slip into philosophical jargon, but it's literally being in the presence of someone. I don't mean that you're participating in the presence of the stranger you sat next to on the bus today. I mean that you have to be there. Saying things like, "I'm next to her/him now," doesn't seem to carry any more weight today. You truly have to be there. I know it's all really cryptic and I'm being all Heideggerian etc, but I can't think of any other way to put it without slipping into philosopher-mode.
It's been a while since I've been next to someone. Recently, there have been sporadic episodes, the latest being two nights ago as I stayed up helping friends with their project. And it was... good. Really, really good to be with someone.
And the other, you say? What about it - why do you miss it? I guess we all want to be appreciated by someone, somehow, some way, sometime. There's nothing more that I could say about that. We want to be loved, and appreciated - and wanted.
I can just see it in your mind now, reader: He needs a girlfriend. Maybe you're right. Maybe I do need a girlfriend. After all, you could lump aforementioned two things that I miss into one sweet little package called a 'girlfriend' (I'm more inclined to call that concept 'partner', but that's just nitpicking), but honestly. Look at me.
Look at me.
Sure, I'm not butt ugly - or fugly, for that matter - nor am I afflicted with a fatal case of acne (a close friend told me recently I have a good complexion - uh huh, Close Friend) and/or crooked teeth. I'm not drop dead gorgeous either, nor am I best buds with the scrawny stray that lives in the neighbourhood. I'm 6 feet tall, really slim (okay, I'm thin), lanky, I've been told I'm 'smart'... I guess that's about all the good points about me. Okay, so I read a lot. And think even more. (Might float someone's boat.) But I'm still pretty much on my own. Emotionally, that is. I haven't been on a real date in years. I haven't liked anyone in years. Fine, it's only been 2 years. Still, it has been a while.
Enough about me.
So... what do you miss? This yearning desire, almost always tugging at the shirttails of your inner mind, to do/say something - something that you've not done since forever. There might be some truth in the statement, "The only way to resist temptation is to give in to it."
Maybe you should give in to your rebellious inner penchants. Call up your first ex and ask her/him how she/he's doing. Go to the beach and watch the sunset. Take your favorite chair out to the porch and read that new novel you've been wanting to. Round up a bunch of mates and paint the town twelve different shades of red, gold and green.
Whatever you miss the most, it's time to do it.
P.S.: To set the record straight, yes, I do miss being and having a special someone. But ugh. Go read the spiel that begins with "Look at me" and ends with "... it has been a while."
What do you miss?
Right now, I miss two things: one being physical intimacy - nothing with sexual overtones, but I'm not ruling out sexual undertones - the other being knowing that someone appreciates (I'm inclined to say 'loving', but I don't even know what 'love' is, so you'll just have to deal with the synonym) me for who I am.
I can't definitively pronounce sex to be overrated, but I do think that physical intimacy is severely mischaracterized, perpetually bastardized and often misappreciated. Yes, misappreciated. There's almost nothing like sitting next to a good friend (or your significant other) and feeling her/his hand on/under/next to yours, the almost electrical feel of fingertips brushing your skin, of the weight of someone's head on your shoulder (I've never really been able to rest my head on anyone's shoulders, but have had quite a few heads on my shoulders)... I'm leery to slip into philosophical jargon, but it's literally being in the presence of someone. I don't mean that you're participating in the presence of the stranger you sat next to on the bus today. I mean that you have to be there. Saying things like, "I'm next to her/him now," doesn't seem to carry any more weight today. You truly have to be there. I know it's all really cryptic and I'm being all Heideggerian etc, but I can't think of any other way to put it without slipping into philosopher-mode.
It's been a while since I've been next to someone. Recently, there have been sporadic episodes, the latest being two nights ago as I stayed up helping friends with their project. And it was... good. Really, really good to be with someone.
And the other, you say? What about it - why do you miss it? I guess we all want to be appreciated by someone, somehow, some way, sometime. There's nothing more that I could say about that. We want to be loved, and appreciated - and wanted.
I can just see it in your mind now, reader: He needs a girlfriend. Maybe you're right. Maybe I do need a girlfriend. After all, you could lump aforementioned two things that I miss into one sweet little package called a 'girlfriend' (I'm more inclined to call that concept 'partner', but that's just nitpicking), but honestly. Look at me.
Look at me.
Sure, I'm not butt ugly - or fugly, for that matter - nor am I afflicted with a fatal case of acne (a close friend told me recently I have a good complexion - uh huh, Close Friend) and/or crooked teeth. I'm not drop dead gorgeous either, nor am I best buds with the scrawny stray that lives in the neighbourhood. I'm 6 feet tall, really slim (okay, I'm thin), lanky, I've been told I'm 'smart'... I guess that's about all the good points about me. Okay, so I read a lot. And think even more. (Might float someone's boat.) But I'm still pretty much on my own. Emotionally, that is. I haven't been on a real date in years. I haven't liked anyone in years. Fine, it's only been 2 years. Still, it has been a while.
Enough about me.
So... what do you miss? This yearning desire, almost always tugging at the shirttails of your inner mind, to do/say something - something that you've not done since forever. There might be some truth in the statement, "The only way to resist temptation is to give in to it."
Maybe you should give in to your rebellious inner penchants. Call up your first ex and ask her/him how she/he's doing. Go to the beach and watch the sunset. Take your favorite chair out to the porch and read that new novel you've been wanting to. Round up a bunch of mates and paint the town twelve different shades of red, gold and green.
Whatever you miss the most, it's time to do it.
P.S.: To set the record straight, yes, I do miss being and having a special someone. But ugh. Go read the spiel that begins with "Look at me" and ends with "... it has been a while."
NIGEL
2:53 AM
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