musings

I can't get to sleep.

It's 0411 hrs on a Sunday morning as I write this. I've been up, reading my novel. Well, it's a science fiction anthology, really. It's good.

It's quiet out there. No one's on the street. The snow's stopped falling too. Everyone's asleep.

Almost seems like all's right with the world. Maybe it is.

I'm sitting here, back straight, legs crossed, iPod earphones in my ears with no music playing. I can see my fingers on the keyboard, illuminated by the glare of my screen.

A billion things are running through my mind right now, but I can't put my finger on any of them. Like a slippery bar of soap. A billiion slippery bars of soap.

Is anyone awake out there, like me? Wide-eyed, with a tinge of drowsiness on the edges, knowing that we'll pay the price of a late night tomorrow. Or is everyone else asleep, safe in their slumber, dreaming their dreams?

Sometimes I wonder, am I really here? What would happen if I simply disappeared, faded into the background - like a forgotten section of a larger tapestry? Would it matter? Would the tapestry continue weaving its multitude of stories: of lives beginning, of laughter heard, of smiles glowing, of dreams shattered, of loves lost, of lies spun?

-----------------

I miss you. I could write about you when you were around. But I've not seen you for a long time. Have I moved on, or have you faded away?

I never got to know you. I never saw you. And yet, you were there.

But now you're gone.

-----------------

I want to lie next to a good friend, not say anything at all, and still have the best conversation ever. I want to laugh at the silliest things that we could think of.

-----------------

Maybe I am moving on after all, maybe I am starting to try and close my wounds.

Sarah, you were right - it's for the better that I get over this. I don't think they'll have my back when I need them to, but without them, I wouldn't be here or who I am today.