someone else

My mom just told me that I don't care about the house/family. She said that I'm always saying the same things.

She's right. I don't care.

I stopped caring how she felt the day she hated my ex even before she got to know my ex. I guess in a way, a little bit of me caring for her died the day she called my sister a word that I never thought a parent would use on a child. And that was years ago. But you know what? Some wounds do not heal.

Ever.

I honestly do not know what to feel towards her any longer. And God knows why I may be potentially suffering from alexithymia. How am I supposed to feel for her, goddamnit.

She practices favoritism - she told me she loves me more than my sister.
She's very obviously biased - my sister and I don't get the same benefits. My sister has to suffer more verbal and emotional abuse than I did.

Honestly, I don't want to talk about her any more. Or talk to her, for that matter. And yet I still do. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just hurting to be hurt all the time. Maybe I don't have anything better to do. Or maybe I still do care, despite what I say or think. I don't know.

I wish my family wasn't well-off. I wish my dad didn't have to work overseas. I wish I had a normal family. I wish I wasn't smart, so that I could live in ignorance.

I just wish I were someone else, someplace else.