expectations

I decided today would be just like any other random time that I decide to talk to my parents. 30 seconds into the conversation, my father popped the inevitable question: "Nigel, what are your plans for next year?" I had an almost uncontrollable urge to tell them, "Graduate with Distinction, get into a kickass graduate philosophy program that's NOT in Singapore or even remotely near Singapore, get my Masters in Philosophy, move out and live on my own, get into a PhD program and finally meet a nice girl who'll love me for who I am. Oh yeah, get my PR in Canada and be happy out of Singapore."

But I didn't. I don't really know why. I just felt frustrated that they would ask me something like that. Why do they place their expectations on me? Haven't they learnt their lesson that putting their expectations on me only result in me being openly defiant about it? I guess they didn't understand me when I said, "You fucked me over once. Fuck me over once, shame on you; fuck me over twice, shame on me. I'm making my own path."

I guess not. I know, deep down, they still resent the fact that I chose philosophy. I hear them saying "it's your choice," but when I really listen, I only get, "Why are you in philosophy?" They absolutely hate it. There's no way in hell that I'll ever listen to their advice again. Not about the things that affect my life. If they dislike my choice of study, deal with it. If they dislike where I live (i.e. in a Caucasian country), live with it. If they dislike who I mix around with, I'm the one hanging out with them, not you. If they dislike the girl that I love, heck, I'm the one sleeping with her. In short - make like bees and buzz off.

There's no way that I'm going to make you happy, or that I'm ever going to appease you. I am who I am. If my friends like me for who I am, there's absolutely no reason why you can't. You're my parents; why don't you be happy for me (and for yourselves) simply because I am happy with my own choices?

Doesn't my happiness mean anything to you?