Just thought I blog a little. School's started this week, and it's been nothing short than awesome. Taking Prof Zeman's classes is nothing less than inspirational, to say the least - but he also truly intimidates me with his wealth of knowledge.
Anyway, it's the new start of the new year - I'm starting anew. :) It's probably for the best, and indeed the best way to begin a new year. I've sort of decided that going back to who I was before... the Nigel that existed pre-May. True, he got a little lonely in the nights when the snow fell, and felt a little pang of loneliness during dinner times, but at least he was content with what he had: good books to read, a few great friends, and a mind to retreat into. Well, I still have all those right now and all along, but at least now my mind's clearer.
I've been thinking if I'll ever be able to see the magic in some things again, particularly the smile in someone's eyes, and the walk of people who are in love. That's something that I always appreciated... but after last summer, I'm becoming a little more of a skeptic about these things. Love is such a fickle thing, and I guess as a philosopher, I am comfortable with uncertainty, but when this uncertainty is coupled with emotions... things get a little trickier. In any case, all this to say that I don't really believe in things like 'love,' or "I love you," or things like that any longer. What's the point? It's nothing that I thought it would be like. Absolutely nothing. And that's what it's worth too: absolutely nothing. It certainly won't put food on the table - a job does. In case you're thinking it, I'm not one to pick up on something/someone that dropped me before. Call it pride if you want to, but why should I look backwards on something that let me go? After all, it'll imply that I wasn't fully appreciated. Ah, whatever. Life goes on.
Well, I can now tell people that I'll be graduating next year - which is a pretty scary thought. But it'll also mean making the decision that's been on my mind for quite a while: is it going to be Law school (an L.L.B.), a Masters in Philosophy (MPhil), both, or the absolute last resort: get a job. Everything hinges on two things though... money, and grades. I know if I put in effort, I'll get the grades that I deserve, but the money part, that's the hard one. No way I'm going to depend on 'my parents'. I don't want them to have another handle on me. Enough of that crap. Come to think of it, I haven't spoken to my mom in months. Strangely enough, I don't feel anything. LOL. Maybe I'm the sort that who once told to sod off (or who gets his emotions trashed) just sticks to it - literally. I don't know what sort of son I am, but I know that I'm a person who stands for something, and I'm stubborn on what I believe.
New year, new start.
Anyway, it's the new start of the new year - I'm starting anew. :) It's probably for the best, and indeed the best way to begin a new year. I've sort of decided that going back to who I was before... the Nigel that existed pre-May. True, he got a little lonely in the nights when the snow fell, and felt a little pang of loneliness during dinner times, but at least he was content with what he had: good books to read, a few great friends, and a mind to retreat into. Well, I still have all those right now and all along, but at least now my mind's clearer.
I've been thinking if I'll ever be able to see the magic in some things again, particularly the smile in someone's eyes, and the walk of people who are in love. That's something that I always appreciated... but after last summer, I'm becoming a little more of a skeptic about these things. Love is such a fickle thing, and I guess as a philosopher, I am comfortable with uncertainty, but when this uncertainty is coupled with emotions... things get a little trickier. In any case, all this to say that I don't really believe in things like 'love,' or "I love you," or things like that any longer. What's the point? It's nothing that I thought it would be like. Absolutely nothing. And that's what it's worth too: absolutely nothing. It certainly won't put food on the table - a job does. In case you're thinking it, I'm not one to pick up on something/someone that dropped me before. Call it pride if you want to, but why should I look backwards on something that let me go? After all, it'll imply that I wasn't fully appreciated. Ah, whatever. Life goes on.
Well, I can now tell people that I'll be graduating next year - which is a pretty scary thought. But it'll also mean making the decision that's been on my mind for quite a while: is it going to be Law school (an L.L.B.), a Masters in Philosophy (MPhil), both, or the absolute last resort: get a job. Everything hinges on two things though... money, and grades. I know if I put in effort, I'll get the grades that I deserve, but the money part, that's the hard one. No way I'm going to depend on 'my parents'. I don't want them to have another handle on me. Enough of that crap. Come to think of it, I haven't spoken to my mom in months. Strangely enough, I don't feel anything. LOL. Maybe I'm the sort that who once told to sod off (or who gets his emotions trashed) just sticks to it - literally. I don't know what sort of son I am, but I know that I'm a person who stands for something, and I'm stubborn on what I believe.
New year, new start.
NIGEL
4:50 AM
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